1 in 5. Changing the faces of mental health


May is Mental Health Awareness month.

An entire month aimed to create positive awareness for mental health.

A healthy step forward, right?

Personally, I believe this is an important first step on a long winding road, but merely a starting point. My feelings about this cause are deeply personal, rooted in my own complicated mental health history. I invite you to follow along as I unpack some of my thoughts for you in hopes of shining a light on a different path.

To begin, let’s acknowledge that all of us has mental health. Each person has a brain and therefore mental health. It has been described many ways, but according to the recent Let’s Talk Colorado campaign, “Mental health is a state of balance in our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Positive mental health allows us to feel good about life, supporting our ability to participate in daily activities and accomplish our goals.”

“Everyone, regardless of gender, race, income, or religion, faces challenges with their mood, emotions and behaviors from time to time. Some of us, through no fault of our own, face greater challenges than others. It’s important to talk about our mental health with someone we trust, and seek professional care when we need it, just as we would with a physical injury or ailment.”

Based on these broad descriptions, mental health feels like an approachable topic we all should feel comfortable talking about. Yet, that simply is not the case. Healthy dialogue for a cause that affects us all should by now be commonplace. Instead, it is mostly still discussed in hushed tones among those who are affected.

Why are we narrowly limiting the conversation on something that affects us all?

From my perspective, as a professional devoted to the positive promotion of mental health, there are some key reasons. Unfortunately, mental health is an oft used synonym for mental illness, which is a dangerous comparison to make considering the two DO NOT have the same meaning. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) describes mental illness as “a condition that affects a person’s thinking, feeling or mood.”

Statistically, NAMI claims one in five adults will be affected by a serious mental health condition in the course of a lifetime. ONE IN FIVE. Think about that statistic. In my own state of Colorado, that is approximately one million Coloradans. Given those staggering numbers, each of us will somehow be affected, directly or indirectly.

We speak freely about other illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes, even cancer. Yet, mental illness is still often discussed in ‘us vs. them’ language. Mental illness does not discriminate. It knows no boundaries and can affect anyone at anytime. Let’s Talk Colorado has identified some contributing factors that can negatively impact one’s positive mental health. They are:

Stress, Anxiety, Trauma, Chemical Imbalance, Genetics, Environment

At various times one or more of these has adversely impacted me. Can you relate? 

lewy-body-dementia-2965713__340I share about this topic from lived experience and only learned more after it hit my own home. Not so many years ago, life became unmanageable and my mental health completely unraveled. This happened in an unexpected way. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. There were days, weeks, and months where my future felt uncertain, left to sort through the ash.

A lifetime of privileged experience had insulated me and could not have prepared me for what lie ahead. I felt exposed and alone, facing a great unknown. One of the toughest challenges was revisiting the labels my former life had placed on me.

Arrogant. Entitled. Spoiled. Unaware.

At first, I believed I deserved this plight and the associated punishments. A new self-imposed narrative replaced those unkind labels with others that were perhaps even more harmful.

Unworthy. Ashamed. Disgraced. Humiliated. And now, ‘one in five.’

mountaineer-2100050__340From that place, beginning again was a slow and tedious process. It felt like climbing a mountain without appropriate gear. Many days, I barely found the strength to forge ahead, but fortunately clung to a mustard seed of hope. From that tiny seed, I became focused and determined to rebuild my life, which wasn’t easy. In fact, it was more challenging than anything I’d faced. In time and with considerable effort, I began to pack those negative labels away, replacing them with others that felt more aligned.

Authentic. Accomplished. Compassionate. Empathetic. Worthy. Helpful.

Today, I am most honored to put each label in its appropriate place and most proud to be ‘one in five.’ I am humbled to count myself among the brave warriors who boldly struggled before me. This incredibly painful journey brought me to my knees, only to realize that the only labels that matter are the ones you subscribe to.

Of course, I wish some of the collateral damage was different, but I have no regrets.

Mental health doesn’t care about where we come from, who we are, who we know, how tug-of-war-673571__340much money we have, our education, or the successes we’ve achieved. It’s a great equalizer that can level just about any playing field. Isn’t it time we shed light on the truth?

Shouldn’t we approach mental health for what it is, something we all have?

Each of us has a personal choice that can start with a new understanding, making clear distinctions between mental health and mental illness. From that place, we can begin to depart from our ‘us vs. them’ culture. I realize we have a long way to go to achieve this ideal state, but each us has a role.

It’s time we start seeing each other as individuals having a human experience. Reality shows that EVERYONE STRUGGLES WITH SOMETHING. Everyone! For me, it was mental health, for you it may be addiction, low self-esteem, illness, or anything else. It doesn’t matter. Struggle is struggle. It is painful and interrupts our lives. It can break us down and force us to find the courage to rebuild ourselves. Regardless, it changes you.

My sincere desire is that this month can be a starting point for new awareness within each of us. Maybe we begin by replacing judgment with understanding, criticism with kindness and divisiveness with empathy. I encourage each of you to take one next step, like:

  • Reframing your perspective about mental health
  • Speaking more kindly to yourself and others
  • Acknowledging a personal struggle
  • Lending a hand to someone in need

Regardless of your choice, every step will lead us beyond where we are. Together, we can forge a new path, which hopefully leads us all somewhere more inclusive. By facing our individual struggle, we begin to come out of the shadows and in turn, become more accepting of the struggle in others.


The first steps are often the hardest, but can be the sweetest. I encourage you to make the investment even as the outcome is coming into focus.

Will you join me in taking one next step?

Jason C Hopcus is President and CEO of NAMI Arapahoe/Douglas Counties



Gratitude: Honoring the Good Stuff

Each day is an opportunity to face life in a renewed way. Our waking thoughts can set the tone for everything that follows. Think about your first thoughts on the days you overslept or didn’t sleep well…what is your mood like?




  • Cranky? 
  • Irritable?
  • Quiet?
  • Anxious?
  • Unmotivated?



If you are anything like I was, these days could have disastrous consequences for everyone.  I didn’t want to be a person with a whole range of less than stellar emotions, which directly impacted others. This daily grind wore on me and I knew there had to be a better way.

As a lifelong student of self-improvement, the journey of personal growth has been a path I’ve walked much of my life.  The rollercoaster of emotions felt like an opportunity for improvement, to become more aligned. This new awareness became a research project.  I dug in and devoured the work of many great thought leaders, vowing to start of each day in a renewed way. Quickly, I discovered that most practices weren’t sustainable for me because they took more time and energy than I was willing to commit.

On the day’s I took the time to plug into myself, things went more smoothly.  I got positive feedback from others and knew I was onto something.  I kept looking for a practice I could commit to. Then, almost all at once it clicked and a light came on.



A connection was the key link of these practices. As humans, we are wired to connect to ourselves and others. My old morning routine was anything but.  This new awareness was eye-opening. I searched for ways to become more connected and discovered a common thread in the work of many others was gratitude.

Gratitude changed EVERYTHING!  

So, now what?


To be completely upfront, this new awareness had a complicated beginning. I set an intention to replace dread with gratitude, which was easier said than done!

From the start, I began with an expectation to practice gratitude perfectly…perfect words, perfect requests, expecting some perfect outcome. It was steeped in mantras and prayers from a groggy or rushed state. It was just too much and quickly became the easiest thing to push off my plate.  I was quickly defeated and retreated to my old unpleasant morning routine.

NOTHING IS PERFECT…there had to be an easier way.

I took some time to regroup and slowly began to adapt to a simple plan that worked for me.  What evolved has become a recipe for success that has only changed everything.

Here are my three simple steps to living a grateful life:

  1. Start by thanking God, or whatever your individual Divine source is. First, be grateful to your source.
  2. Next, think of at least 5 things you are grateful for.  Even in dark times, I can find something worthy to honor. Personally, I prefer to write them down to empower them, but it can be a practice in your head.  This step sets the tone for what follows
  3. Make an “I am” list.  I will admit this step usually happens in the shower after I am more awake.   Simply, it goes something like this… 
  • I am happy
  • I am radiantly healthy
  • I am love/loved
  • I am kind
  • I am Divinely guided
  • I am authentic
  • I am free
  • I am… you fill in the rest

I use these simple “I am” statements to set an intention.  Even if I don’t feel completely nurtured in the ways I am claiming, it becomes a practice that

THAT’S IT! For me, it really is that simple.

In the beginning, this wasn’t a practice I was wholeheartedly committed to and my follow through was lackluster at best.  I would go days without remembering to complete the simple steps listed above. As I began to see positive results (quickly), I became more diligent in my journey of gratitude. It actually was working, other people even began to comment on my improved mood state.  That was a bonus!

Looking through the lens of gratitude has changed everything.  Now, I notice things I never used to see before.  I see beauty in so many things in a more profound and beautiful way.  It could be the sky or flowers on my evening walk, maybe it’s the moon in its fullness. Sometimes it’s just breathing in beautiful air. There is so much beauty to see when we become open to it.


Are you willing to commit a week to practicing three simple steps?  

It just might change everything for you too…




Telling YOUR Truth

Life has a way of putting us in exactly the right place at the right time. Our lessons and experiences become the stories we live. Each of us is a beautiful and richly woven tapestry, made of the good, bad, and everything in between…it all matters.


This individual journey can dictate how the path unfolds. Unfortunately, the road isn’t always smooth, instead, it is often filled with unexpected twists and turns. Yet, one certainty is a requirement to adapt and respond. So often, that comes in a beautiful package of painful experience.

Life has shown me how adaptability is directly tied to the relationship with ourselves. The ability to go with the flow is normally proportionate to the suffering we experience. In my blog, The Journey of Being Kind and Honest, I shared three steps to living a more enriched and fulfilled life.

  1. Showing Up: Taking action to cure fear
  2. Discovering Authenticity in Struggle
  3. Telling YOUR Truth

For me, each step has offered valuable lessons that shape who I am today. I make no claim this journey has been easy. In fact, it has not been for the faint of heart. Although, what I can assuredly report is that it has been the birthplace of overcoming struggle and laid the foundation of my Unshakeable Truth.

So, what does it mean to Tell YOUR Truth?

The answer begins with honest self-reflection. Each step is built upon the other, but it really came down to acknowledging and letting go of our best self-preservation tool…CONTROL!

It had been my life’s work to anticipate and dictate the outcome. Control played a leading role in just about every action and allowed me to expertly craft a life built on false narratives. I became what I believed everyone wanted me to be, which only left me depleted, depressed, anxious, ashamed, alone and isolated. More importantly, it made me resentful when no one seemed to notice or appreciate my wholehearted efforts.

My endless need for control kept me stuck in a loop of unworthy and not good enough. Daily, I would show up in a put together way but really felt like a complete mess on the inside. I constantly feared someone would see the cracks in my façade, revealing everything I believed. It was like an unending rollercoaster of highs that pushed me forward to achieve and lows that left me nearly unfunctional.

Fortunately, this unhealthy recipe wasn’t sustainable and life literally brought me to my knees. Through a series of unfortunate reversals, I found myself exiled in a self-created desert, completely alone and undone. Unending grief encompassed me. I was paralyzed as years of work lay in ruin.


The good news is that everyone isn’t meant to go to the desert to find their truth. Each of us has a unique journey. From the place I came, it likely was the clearest path to the lessons I needed to learn. I don’t wish that on anyone, but in reflection, it all served a purpose and I have no regrets.

Is there something you trying to control, that isn’t yours to control?

My own undoing became the birthplace of everything that was meant to be. It was a divine place that literally brought me to my knees, stripping away what was no longer relevant, leaving only what was necessary. My humbling journey revealed many opportunities for real sustainable growth. I allowed my pain to change me, asking my higher power for guidance and direction.

This flow has served me beautifully. It is only when I try to step back in the power seat that I get a lesson that shows me I am not the one in charge. Letting go of control has allowed me to find my true north with faith that the next steps will be revealed in perfect timing.

packaging-2481462_960_720.jpgThe best gift of this solitary journey has been finding my own truth. An evolved version of me that is directly plugged into my Divine source of passion and purpose. I feel more aligned than ever, telling my truth from an authentic place. I can step back and let life unfold in its beautiful and magical way without trying to navigate the outcome. I don’t resent failed outcomes, rather accept something better is meant for me. It feels amazing!

Are you willing take one step forward to let something flow that you have previously tried to control?

Perhaps it is letting something flow in a relationship or friendship, or choosing to heal a resentment you have about something that hurt you.  It could even be stepping back from a project or assignment and asking your Higher Power to lead the way. By relinquishing the reigns, what is truly meant for you can fully show up. Try it and see.  It might just surprise you…

Of course, in my humanness, there are times I stumble and my good friend control sneaks in. I use those times as an opportunity to grow from. They serve as a place to recognize and honor my gifts, using them to empower myself and others. I now realize that I can’t be all things to all people and am amazed at how many years I spent trying to adapt to my beliefs of what I thought I should be. I cannot say it was a waste because all of those steps mattered too. I needed to climb the mountain to fall off into my own personal abyss.

From this more recently aligned place, I can show up in any given situation and speak from my own place of truth, the one I fought to learn the hard way. The journey of being kind and honest isn’t always the easy path, but it certainly is the most authentic. By not adapting to what others want and expect, it’s just a rhythm. that seems to flow with more graceful twists and turns. river-2743967_960_720.jpg

Are you ready to tell YOUR truth?


Discovering Authenticity in Struggle

Authentic is a buzzword that seems to be used frequently these days.

What does it really mean though?

I hear others reference an “authentic life” and often fail to see its true application in their daily lives.  I don’t mean to discount anyone’s journey, but do believe it’s a word that has real weight and power. For me, it is a cornerstone for a strong personal foundation.  Recently, I shared a post on a kind and honest life, listing “authentic” as a step toward that goal.

Personally, I believe an authentic life is the unique intersection where self-love meets our highest alignment.

My path to an authenticity hasn’t come easily or quickly. In fact, there have been many painful twists and turns. To accurately paint the picture of my path, let me share some historical context first.

microphone-2574511_960_720Some years back, life was an exercise of dancing as fast as I could. Each day I was on the stage of my creation in an exhaustive and futile attempt to live a life I believed everyone else expected from me. My internal need for perfection only perpetuated the dancing…faster, harder and more complex.

This amplified dance demanded more of me, so I continued to work faster and harder to perfect my routine.  For many years, that recipe blessed me beyond belief. I achieved success that surpassed my circle of influence and became a living testament to the American Dream. I am beyond grateful for the experiences that shaped that life, but gratitude couldn’t absolve my internal hollowness. It left me feeling trapped and wanting to escape.

The dance had become dangerous.

Daily, I searched for distraction by seeking escape with sleep, food, shopping, or any other anesthetic that helped me unplug for a while. Temporarily, this behavior helped me to avoid painful parts of life, but like I often say, “wherever you go, there you are.”

I was overwhelmed, depleted, panicked, and depressed, constantly looking for a way out.   

Finally, through a series of disastrous reversals I couldn’t no longer run from myself. The music had stopped and I was completely alone and out of moves.  I fell from the mountain top I had built from mostly inauthentic means.


By trying to manage and control every outcome, I often found myself feeling like a fraud, even in those moments where I was completely in my element. The duplicity of this self-created life left me hanging between a life of the “expected” and one where there was no roadmap.

At rock bottom, I knew I had two choices, to end it all or begin again. 

light-2068404_960_720I spent considerable time contemplating both choices. I am grateful for the path I chose, which allows me to share from my own authentic place, honoring the struggle and pain that shaped this journey.

As I began again, there were days, weeks and months in the dark. Slowly, through a divine series of events, the light began to shine again.

One enlightened moment, was hearing Alanis Morissette share about her own turning point on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday. Her life changing words were, “getting to the bottom where there was no lie left.” 

For me, those words changed everything.  Suddenly, a light came on and illuminated the reality that building an authentic life requires one to stand in their own truth. The Good, bad, and ugly all matters. Each and every step was a building block.

So, now what?

Bit by bit, I have become more aligned with a life that I had always longed for. I began uncertain of the end game, but set forth by showing up and saying yes to experiences that I’d always avoided.  Doing so, forced me from my self-created box and opened me up in new and unexpected ways. Each new experience served as an opportunity to face my fears and become more aligned with my passion and purpose.

I’ve discovered the things that scare me the most are usually the greatest teachers. By honoring my feelings, I can view each new opportunity with discernment, deciding on its expansiveness by choosing yes or no. That power of choice leaves me feeling;

Peaceful. Relaxed. Aligned. Intentional. Purposeful. Powerful.

Each emotions is richly rewarding, filling my cup to overflowing. Ahhh…Authentic!


Painful experience taught me that none of us is wired to live a life that isn’t meant for us. Of course, we can show up and meet our obligations, often for quite some time, but as time goes on, there is an erosive and damaging effect.

A fully authentic life is one that honors our history and allows us to become more fully who we are here to be. Through integrating our stories, we can serve all that has come and gone while learning the appropriate lessons each offered.  Standing in the face of what once trapped us allows us to challenge and discredit the painful stories that keep us from fully being who we are meant to be. I now lovingly refer to this process as “learning to love what is.”


For me, embracing my beautiful history in a kind and honest way has been the only clear path to an authentic life.  I now use everyday as an opportunity to show up and face what life seeks to teach me.  That has made all the difference and  I no longer dance as fast as I can, but instead enjoy the gift of living in the flow.

Does something keep you from living a wholly authentic life?

If so, are you willing to explore yourself in a more focused way to find its rich reward?

I encourage you to join me on this journey of self-love and alignment…




Showing Up: Taking action to cure fear

Recently, I posted The Journey of Being Kind and Honest where I shared a life changing  discussion from many years back about being kind and honest. That single conversation had a profound impact on me and seemed worth sharing with you all.

In that post, I offered 3 key steps that I believe are fundamental to pursing a kind and honest path.

  1. Showing Up
  2. Being Authentic
  3. Telling Your Truth

The first step of showing up is the most important because it sets the tone and intention for the journey. I view is as our willingness to say YES to pursuits that feed our soul.

But what does SHOWING UP actually mean?

Of course, it requires your physical presence in a given situation, but the real work is a little more involved. Simply put, I believe it is doing more of what scares you and taking action that pushes you beyond your comfort zone.

Can you think of one area in your life that you aren’t showing up for?

box-550405_960_720Perhaps it’s something like finding courage to:

  • Have a difficult conversation
  • Face the truth in a relationship with yourself or a loved one
  • Put yourself up for a professional pursuit that feels beyond your reach
  • Confront a personal issue that has become unmanageable



So, what is REALLY holding you back from taking the first step?


What often stops us short of action is FEAR. Fear of the unknown or a desire to avoid possible judgment, shame or ridicule. Perhaps, there is a truth we aren’t ready to reveal.

Does the thought of taking the next step leave you feeling anxious or depressed? Regardless, any self-limiting thoughts and fears can literally paralyze us from showing up for something that could be expansive and life changing.

The first step can take tremendous courage, like most anything in life that is new and different. It requires a willingness to face what holds us back, which builds momentum for the next steps. Any new result/outcome requires committed action that begins by showing up.






Now…imagine taking the first step toward what you’ve been avoiding.  Connect with how that might make you feel.

  • Relieved
  • Happy and joyful
  • Accomplished
  • Calm and peaceful
  • Stronger
  • Connected

Don’t we all want more of that?

When we commit to show up and take action, not only do we face our fears, but we become more aligned with living the life our heart desires.  By connecting with the feelings associated with taking action we can begin to move forward toward more of what we want.


Are you ready

to say YES

and take the 

first step?




The Journey of Kind and Honest

Sometimes, to move forward we must look back and honor the lessons that shaped us.

As a lifelong student of personal growth and development, I have committed considerable time and energy to self-improvement. Along the way, there have been some profound experiences, but one was life-changing. I’d like to share what I learned with you here.

It was a Texas Summer day and I found myself in the middle of some new existential crisis, seeking answers about the mysteries of life. Staying stuck has always propelled my natural curiosity to unearth deeper truths and for me this work had always seemed clearer when guided by a therapist. child-1099770_960_720.jpg

The basis of this particular journey was tied to a history of being who I thought everyone expected me to be. Meanwhile, I was quietly yearning for a completely different life. By meeting everyone’s needs first, my own rarely came into focus or took priority.  This duplicitous approach left me feeling chronically stuck, misaligned, unfulfilled and confused. Until that day…

I recall my therapist’s Southern drawl vividly and she painted a new reality, saying “Jason, our only role in life is to be kind and honest.” 

My initial reaction was that couldn’t be true. Our role in life was not meant to be summarized into one simple statement.  Yet, something about those words felt magical and true. In perfect timing, new language had arrived just as I struggled with being caught in two worlds. I was at a crossroad, trying to craft a new future while reconciling a complicated and often painful past.


Kind and Honest felt like a life preserver.


Initially, I was not really clear on the work ahead, but something told me to dig in. The words hung in the room. I started by honoring what had been said and feverishly attempting to wrap my head around their application. What I initially loved about this concept was the feeling that I might already doing it. Being a “polite” Texan had prepared me perfectly for this role, or so I thought.

Careful examination and a few thought provoking questions clarified many things. I would like to share what I uncovered.

What does being kind and honest actually mean?

The answer wasn’t immediately clear, but has revealed itself over time. The real work begins through the relationship you have with yourself.  To fully grasp this concept, one must approach the topic with kindness and honesty.  It is impossible to give something to others that you cannot yet give to yourself.   I quickly understood that I had been kind and honest to others, but not myself.

 Now that I knew better, so what?

 This new awareness was like a light coming on. lighting-2267227_960_720.jpg

It revealed a deeper understanding of my role in the process. By asking the question, I wholeheartedly knew I had really never been completely kind or honest with myself.  At first, I couldn’t grasp what kind and honest would look like, so I decided to start with what I thought it was not:

  • People pleasing…saying or doing what you think others need
  • Not setting healthy boundaries…saying NO, when appropriate
  • Compromising your integrity/beliefs to make others more comfortable

My understanding revealed that I often took the easy path to make others happy or keep the peace, which had literally kept me from connecting with my own self.  Most importantly though, it inspired me to get beneath the surface of my constant misalignment.

There is a quote I love: 006f4391aa36d8dfd40424559e70303a (1).jpg

 Doesn’t the same apply to the relationship we have with ourselves?

 Along the path, we can only meet ourselves and others from the place of our own experience. To that end, here is what I have learned about kindness and honesty.  For me, it boils down to three essential steps. 

  1. Showing up
  2. Being authentic
  3. Telling YOUR truth

 I realize none of these are particularly easy, in fact, often daunting. Each requires action that will likely catapult us from our comfort zone, potentially leaving us vulnerable and exposed.

Showing up is our willingness to say YES to pursuits that feed our soul.  You know those things that many scare you but can make you smile, regardless.

Being authentic is the alignment of our real truth.  The place where who we are meets who we are meant to be.

Telling YOUR truth, is sharing yourself with others from your own perspective, which is made from individual beliefs, experience and history.

I believe that the journey to kind and honest starts with a willingness to connect with ourselves in a deeper way. We will never be able to share with another from a truth that isn’t our own.  Trying to do so, is merely story-telling, which likely is not fully and authentically aligned with your own belief system. This work expands our own knowing and ultimately allows for a broader personal truth.

In the years since this awakening, being kind and honest has served me well.  In the times where I struggle to respond in a way that someone needs, I can call on my kind and honest.

I have chosen to let this approach become my true north.  What I have learned is that being kind and honest isn’t always the easiest path.  In fact, sometimes, it angers people. Which always reminds me of the old cliché, “the truth hurts.”


Today, I laugh when my own kindness and honesty causes a reaction.  It makes me feel more alive and aligned with myself.  My sincere hope is that it creates a new light inside the dark places of others.

Are you ready to be kind and honest?



Stigma: An Inside Job


We are constantly bombarded by messages that help shape our view on a variety of topics. Many elicit a response, which might be positive or negative. As the world has become more connected, our opportunity to learn has expanded and increased exponentially.  Today, we can easily connect with people across the globe, learn about world affairs and educate ourselves on unending subjects.

Photo: PixabayMedia channels have an impact on building awareness, even creating a movement. Think about the posts you react to on social media…cute cat videos, laughing babies, life events of people you know, national/world events.  Each has the ability to shape our own internal dialogue. This constant barrage of information comes from so many directions and can often have an effect on our own mood state. There are unlimited posts and rants on any number of topics, which can create joy and elation, but also anxiety, fear and depression about the future, regardless of your personal beliefs.  This can flood our senses, leaving us confused, irritated and questioning.

  • Do you remember that post or message that struck a cord or caused a noticeable reaction?
  •  You know the one that affected you negatively.  Maybe it left you angry, afraid or ashamed. 

Today’s media environment breeds fear through its messages, which can keep us on edge like a pot constantly about to boil over.

Photo: Pixabay

Stigma is today’s buzzword, used to describe the marginalization of people who struggle from a variety of conditions and/or differences. It is a powerful word, defined as a mark of shame or discredit. (Miriam-Webster) At the core, it characterizes someone as less than because they don’t meet or conform to accepted societal norms, usually in the form of damaging language and action by others.

Take your pick of stigmatized subjects…race, religion, gender identity, human rights, physical and mental health challenges, etc.  Frequently, each is portrayed in a negative light in the media and peer groups alike. Our culture fosters this judgment, bias and limiting perspective, but that only represents part of the equation. The real work of stigma is an inside job…

Yes, stigma starts within.

It is self-created from our own feelings and thoughts about certain topics, which become a framework made of individual experiences and beliefs. Of course, it can be directly impacted by the views of others, but the originating source requires some personal responsibility.

Let’s use one relevant example…MENTAL HEALTH

You know that taboo subject no one wants to discuss, until it hits their home. Statistics state 1 in 5 are or will be affected throughout the course of a lifetime.  Unfortunately, many are still misguided to believe mental health primarily looks like the tragic examples portrayed in the media, which is simply untrue. I do not mean to discount traumatizing events, but they grossly underestimate the broader context of people who quietly struggle with mental health conditions. Stigma perpetuates a silent majority who navigate their ups and downs privately.

For example, conditions like anxiety and/or depression affect a vast part of our population. Either can significantly impact daily life, making simple functions far more difficult. The biggest barrier between treatment and recovery is often steeped in our own beliefs about the struggle. The way we feel about it matters and can keep us from seeking the help we need.

The real truth is, directly or indirectly, we are all impacted by mental health.

 All of us. 

In fact, 100% of us have mental health.

Passing the buck has created the perfect storm; a struggling society that is more depressed, anxious and addicted than any other time in history.

Mental health is just one example but personal responsibility should be applied to any marginalized/stigmatized group. This reality surpasses personal and societal labels, placing each of us squarely in the face of our own relationship with stigma. We all have the power of choice when viewing differences in ourselves and others.

Blaming the media and others as the originating source of stigma is an easy path, but doing so excludes our side of the street and keeps us stuck in the story. If we really seek to address stigma straight on, we must first look within and acknowledge our own beliefs about certain topics.  Doing so honors our individual limitations and allows us to realign ourselves to a more inclusive focus.

That said, before dismissing another’s viewpoint as less than or making value based judgments about someone’s journey, remember that EVERYONE STRUGGLES WITH SOMETHING.

Photo: Pixabay

I, myself, have been guilty of doing this very thing and realize the negative effect of such behavior. I spent years buying into damaging propaganda about my own struggle. It was devastating and robbed me of many opportunities to connect with myself and others. Stigma can only live in the dark.  Through limiting beliefs and blaming others, we effectively are dimming our own light.

Each of us is a collection of stories that shape how we show up in the world. Our differences make us unique and should be something to celebrate, not hide or diminish.  If you can stand tall and proud in your own beliefs, then you will find your unshakable truth.  The rest of the worlds view just becomes background noise. By taking this approach, we gain self confidence, esteem and love for our own journey.  In doing so, we can embrace struggle and finally honor what makes us uniquely individual.

What is one step you can take now to face your own stigma?

Photo: Pixabay

Isn’t it time to be kind to ourselves and one another?

The Stories that Shape Us

Who did you want to be, before the world told you who you should be?

Photo Credit: Montse Serrano (Pinterest)

Each of us is a collection of stories that have their own narrative.  They play out in our daily life, binding us to ourselves and others. Imagine them as the soundtrack of your life.

As the keeper of our stories, we all have the power to create connection to our heart’s desire. These stories that shape us can have a powerful effect on the action we take toward getting the life we imagine.

I encourage you to stop for a moment and consider the first thing that comes to mind as you answer the following two questions:

  1. What is one thing you desire?
  2. What keeps you from getting it?

For many of us these questions and their answers are centered on some self-improvement or manifesting a reality different from current circumstances. It could be taking on a new job search, reconnecting with someone from your past, or maybe (put your desire here). By not taking action, we can end up afraid, depressed, anxious or just misaligned.

Regardless of that aspiration, getting what we want takes inspired action. Usually, the thing(s) that hold us back are used tied to those very stories that shape us. More importantly, the place we hold for them in our daily life, through thought and action/inaction.

We have all gotten caught in this trap before. Each of us desires something we don’t have. Haven’t you played the “not good enough, not smart enough, people don’t understand me” tapes before? You are not alone… EVERYONE STRUGGLES WITH SOMETHING.

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Photo Credit: Creative Green Living (Pinterest)

Having achieved a fair amount professionally had given me many success defining stories, but there was a time in recent years where things didn’t go so well. Through some unfortunate setbacks, I showed up in ways that weren’t my proudest moments.  My wheels came completely off.

The universe met me head on and brought me to my knees. I felt ashamed, judged and cast aside. More specifically, I wholeheartedly believed this new tape, which sounded like: “You are a failure; You are not worthy; You are unlovable; And you deserve what you get.”

I allowed these powerful words to become stumbling blocks, giving them more volume than a lifetime of successful experiences, which resulted in a vastly different present and future than past success stories dictated. Every day, I was pressing play on the tapes that validated all the awful things I chose to believe about myself. Doing so, kept me stuck in a loop of life defining paralysis.

All of us have tapes from our history that hold limiting beliefs, which keep us from the life we truly desire.  The good news is that, like tapes, they can be unraveled, rewritten or just thrown away.  The power to press play is a choice you don’t have to make.

What tape do you need to stop playing?

By connecting with our heart’s desire and what stands in the way allows us a conscious opportunity to disconnect from the negative stories. Self reflection reveals the narratives that no longer serve us. By embracing the stories that shape us, we approach our humanness, which is a direct path to authenticity. _45984325_scott_466 (1).jpg

I nearly allowed a few short events to become life defining.  Fortunately, at some point the struggle revealed an opportunity for sustainable growth and healing. I made a decision to grieve what was gone and open my heart to the possibility of what could be.  Through sheer faith and determination, I took each next right step, which always revealed itself in perfect timing. By approaching them with committed courage and action, I began to put those tapes in their appropriate place.

Perhaps you are reading this thinking it sounds too easy.  I understand those feelings completely.  In truth, there were days where this work was more than I could bear.  In those times, I had to remind myself I was taking the next step, not the whole staircase.  Remember, the next step is forward movement and necessary to getting the places you want to be.

There are times I still stumble, getting caught in an old loop.  The difference now is the tape plays for minutes, not days on end.  Also, by giving up your tapes, you can turn them into a new DIY opportunity.

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Photo Credit: Creative Green Living (Pinterest)

…And doesn’t a cassette tape planter seem like a better way to use old unwanted tapes?

Isn’t it time to connect with your purpose?  Are you ready to take the next step toward the life you imagine?


Finding Connection through Struggle


Did you ever have a time where you didn’t quite show up in a situation the way you wanted to?

Perhaps, it was the interview that didn’t go well, or a conversation with a loved one where you chose every word but the ones that made the situation better.

Did those times leaving you feeling overwhelmed and disconnected, maybe even depressed or anxious?

Each of us has moments of brilliance when we might feel unstoppable, which can be  counterbalanced with times where nothing goes as planned. These ups and downs are something every person on the planet faces. Of course, some navigate the challenges with greater ease, while many stumble over the same lessons time and again.

The good news is that you are not alone…EVERYONE struggles with something.

My own struggle took some time to come into focus. By 37, I had built a life that many spend a lifetime aspiring to. I’d achieved the “American Dream.” Professionally, I had been to the mountain top with the expected hallmarks of success…houses, cars, world-class experiences, growing retirement fund, and numerous other trappings. Yet, just beneath the surface I was nearly paralyzed. The roller coaster of self-imposed expectations left me feeling perpetually insecure, unworthy and trapped in a world that wasn’t meant for me.

My ascent to the mountain top had been swift and steady, but my stewardship of those vast resources wasn’t built to last. Like many, I was not well prepared for the downturn in a failing economy. I told myself that riding things out a while longer would ensure safe harbor, but the anchor never materialized. My life didn’t unravel all at once, rather through a beautiful and unfortunate series of events. I had failed spectacularly and what came next was beyond comprehension.

Think about that idea for a minute… Everyone Struggles with Something.

No one is immune. As humans, 100% of us desire something different or better than what we have. It could be as simple as losing a few pounds or trying something new. Maybe it’s more significant, such as pursuing that degree, manifesting a new job or the right relationship. Regardless of the desire, the roadblocks that stop us, real or perceived, is struggle.

What do you desire most and what stands in your way of getting it?

I like to imagine struggle as the obstacle that stands between where we are and what we want. It is like a glaring stop sign that can keep us from moving forward and most often is wrapped up as our good friend fear.


Ironically, most fears are derived from our focus on an outcome that we cannot control or dictate. You know, the what if’s…what if I don’t get that job, or accepted into that program, or what if they don’t like me?

I will let you in on a secret.  The “what if’s” aren’t real and most likely will never actually happen. Don’t believe me? Think about the last time you anticipated an outcome…Did it happen exactly like you imagined?

For most, the answer is no. In fact, usually not even close.  The dangerous thing about predicting the outcome is that it robs us of the very moment we are in. Literally through our own mind action, we are focusing our energy on an outcome that will NEVER happen. Further, it often blocks us from an outcome that may, in fact, serve us much better.

What if the fear that holds you back is really the universe’s sign telling you to move forward?

courage.jpgUsually, it is fear of the first step keeps us stuck in concrete shoes. Maybe fear is only a caution sign warning us proceed with courage? Remember that time you tried something new and different and ended up loving it? Imagine if you took the same kind of inspired action in other areas of your life.

Benjamin said it best in the movie We Bought a Zoo“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

By connecting with our struggle, we get more of what we seek: Connection! Isn’t that what every one of us want more of? The benefits are two -fold; it invites an opportunity for growth and allows us to approach our humanness with self-love and compassion. It also serves as an opportunity to better examine and understand our role in each story, learning how can we do better next time.

My own struggle forced me to connect with myself wholeheartedly. To rebuild a life from rock bottom revealed that I had become trapped in a story that was based solely on how things looked. Through this work, I can now see the costly pitfalls, which nearly cost me everything.

Remember, you are NOT alone. Everyone Struggles with Something. The key steps to overcoming struggle are:

  • Identify your desire- that one thing you want most
  • What is the first step you can take to getting what you want?
  • Commit 20 seconds of insane courage to that step
  • Celebrate yourself with the next right step

It really can be that straightforward. It starts with the power of choice and just taking the next right committed action. With each step, it will become more natural.  Instinctively, you will see where to go next, which leads to an easier path leaving struggle at your back.

It is time to get the life you desire!  What is YOUR NEXT RIGHT STEP?